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I had my beautiful daughter aged 19, my 1st pregnancy from my 1st relationship. I was deeply in love with her dad and to be honest I've never felt love like that since we broke up.
Age 18, I became pregnant with my daughter. By my 7th month of pregnancy my then boyfriend committed a crime and was held in prison. I gave birth alone and began to raise my daughter with next to nothing. By the time my daughter was 8 months old her father/ my boyfriend had been given an 18 year prison sentence.
We broke up.
Two years later at university I met a wonderful man, we started a relationship quite quickly. Somewhere in the first three months of our relationship I fell pregnant, this was my 1st abortion.
I took this really hard, I didn't want to have an abortion but we were both at university and I was raising my daughter on my own and struggling financially. I felt guilty for months afterwards.
Sadly that relationship came to an end.
A couple of years later in a new relationship I found myself pregnant again, I also had the coil fitted at this time which doctors suspected had been washed away with a heavy period.
I was so happy and excited, my boyfriend at the time seemed happy too. But, very quickly his behaviour towards me started to change. He became abusive emotionally and physically and I decided to have my second abortion. I was devastated, heartbroken and to be honest words cannot describe the ache it left in my heart. I got through this because I knew that no child deserved to be born into this situation.
Initially I left my then boyfriend and couldn't forgive him for the pain this abortion had caused me. However, I was weak. I didn't have much, just my daughter, no money and a temporary accommodation. Stupidly I took him back.
He continued to abuse me for two more years, eventually ending the relationship by breaking one of my ribs in a physical attack. I had to attend the hospital for my injuries and they carried out a routine pregnancy test (because of my sex and age) to my devastation I was pregnant again. I knew in my heart straight away, this baby would end in an abortion. I knew this was right. Fortunately, I never got back with this man and I stayed single and happy for two years.
After this time I met a man who I thought was amazing, we both had one child each and spent our relationship loving and raising them together. After 18 months together I fell pregnant. It wasn't planned but I wasn't upset. He however, was furious. He explained he didn't want any more children and that it was my fault.
I cried for two weeks straight, moved back home with my mother and knew where this was going. I had to have my fourth abortion.
The decisions I've made with my abortions were all my choice, despite the circumstances being bad. I still chose to have them. Each one has hurt me at the time and broken my heart in different ways, but I look back now and I am truly grateful for having the freedom and opportunity to have every single one.
My daughter is now 14 and thriving, she has had the best life.
I have a beautiful home, my own business and live life to the full, all with my daughter (my best friend) by my side. I often think if I didn't have these choices and if I hadn't made these decisions what life would she have had?
I just want anyone reading this to know, you know what is best for you. There is no need to ever doubt yourself or your decision/s.
Even when it hurts, it always gets better.
Abortion 1: 7 weeks- surgical
Abortion 2: 8 weeks- surgical
Abortion 3: 8 weeks- medical
Abortion 4: 6 weeks- medical