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I had an abortion back in January at age 27. I am newly married (as of November 2024) and due to my husband’s immigration status he has been unable to work. This has left me with the sole responsibility of caring not only for our household but helping his family abroad as well.
We knew that financially there was no way for us to go through with it. If I wasn’t working we had no income. I was nervous to even bring up our options when I told him. He is Christian and though he believes in the right to choose I was afraid his religion would sway his decision. I knew what I wanted and was so relieved when he was in agreement.
He was so supportive both before and after and I am so lucky to have him by my side. The procedure was easy, a couple of hours and we were out of the clinic. After, we grieved but we got through it. Life went on as normal.
Unfortunately we just found out a couple days ago that we are pregnant again. The first time was less of a surprise. I knew we weren’t being as careful as we needed to. But this time we have been. So it’s been a shock.
That being said, I knew before I was even late that I was probably pregnant. It was just a feeling in my body. I didn’t have any reason to think so, but sometimes you just know. I got a positive test on the day my period should have arrived.
I had convinced myself that if I was pregnant I had to go through with it. A girl only gets one easy out is what I told myself. Two abortions in 6 months. That felt crazy to me. I felt irresponsible and shameful. How could I let this happen again. Knowing that it wasn’t what we wanted right now.
I thought of my sister and two of my sister in laws who have all had accidental pregnancies but did not have the same access to options as I do and the situations they are in now because of it. And I convinced myself I didn’t deserve two chances when they didn’t even get one.
But me and my husband’s situation is the same. He still has not been able to start working. With me out we have no money coming in and we just can’t do that. We want kids. That’s never been a question. But we want to be prepared for them as well.
We talked long and hard about what to do. I’ve spiraled for days even though I know it’s the right choice. But I found this page and all these amazing stories and I have finally made my appointment for my second abortion.
I know this is right for us, for me. It’s hard. It’s wasn’t an easy decision this go around. The shame that society instills in us is deep. But I know it’s right and I’m just ready to leave this chapter behind.
I am thankful for the right to choose and for the fact that I live in a state where that is still an option.
