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From a man’s perspective.
When I was 22, I met my (now) wife, and I accidentally got her pregnant a mere 6 weeks into our relationship. She was on the waiting list for an IUD appointment and we decided to use the pull out method in the meantime. She tracked her cycle and after realizing we were having sex in her fertile window, she was nervous and took a plan B (which ended up being useless).
We both had stable employment and knew we’d want to have kids someday, but our relationship was brand new (as were our careers). It was an extremely heavy decision but it was clear from the start what we needed to do. Neither of us have ever regretted it, but it was mentally difficult for her in a way that left me feeling helpless because I couldn’t fix it for her. I was convinced it was all my fault for getting her pregnant, and felt such guilt for the physical and emotional pain it put her through. She blamed herself, and I blamed myself. We leaned on each other and made it through.
Now we’re 26 years old - we just eloped and moved to a new country together 2 months ago because I got my dream job offer. We want many kids in the future and talk about how excited we are for parenthood. We’ve been tight on money since the move, scraping together just enough to pay sky high rent prices and try to buy furniture for our apartment and save for our “real” wedding. Money is tight but we were doing this with the mindset that with discipline and sacrifice we will be in a much different situation in a couple years. We live across the continent from any of our family and have no friends in our new country.
Anyways, right before we moved here she was not tolerating the IUD well, so she got it removed and we got her an smart ring + natural cycles instead, which she obsessively follows.
So when we found out she was pregnant again, by accident, we were devastated. We both want to be parents so badly, and I feel like the worst person in the world for putting her in this situation AGAIN and not being able to provide for us so that we can have the life we want to.
I promised myself that next time she was pregnant it would be a happy time, and it’s not, because we don’t have enough money or any support. If we hadn’t moved for my job, we’d be near family to support us through this. Again it feels like all my fault.
If I was the husband she deserves, I would make more money so that we could bring a child into the world with ease. She reassures me that this isn’t my burden and thinks it’s all her fault for not wanting to keep the IUD. We both feel like awful people, even though I think she is so strong and caring and will be a great mother someday. I wish it could be now.
To all the husbands out there who feel like you failed because you can’t provide for a baby right now… I feel you. Talk to your wife about how you feel, because I promise she doesn’t think this of you. Your worth as a human being isn’t related to your economic output.