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My first abortion was at age 13. I wasn’t on birth control at that age and we were being safe using condoms. On the day we conceived we didn’t have one and he finished inside me even though it was not communicated or on my terms.
I dreaded every single day leading up to my abortion because I know I wanted this baby but I just couldn’t have it.
I was in a rut for so many years and I even wished abortion didn’t exist so I would not have had to make that decision.
My second abortion was almost 3 weeks ago. Now I’m married and I have 2 young boys.
My first will be 2 in a few weeks and my second just turned 4 months old.
While my marriage isn’t perfect and we have fought more than I like to admit, I love him and I don’t ever want to be without him.
During one of my pregnancies I had to have a cervical cerclage surgery to hopefully keep it from shorting anymore and to potentially prevent preterm labor.
With my first thankfully I made it to 38 weeks. With my second we weren’t so lucky and he was born at 30 weeks.
He had a lengthy NICU stay and truly that was something I’ll never forget. He is healthy and thriving now but I will never forget the days I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t save him from pain of being pricked, prodded, intubated, and the separation from his family even though that’s where he needed to be to survive.
I unexpectedly got pregnant 3 months postpartum and I instantly knew I had terminate. Every time I went online to schedule my appointment I could not go through with it and seeing my 2 boys and how much I love them with every piece of my soul I just couldn’t do it. I started to dream of 3.
Over the course of a month I kept going back and forth and back and forth until I found out the odds of preterm birth reoccurring based off of my situation. I had a very likely chance of not carrying to term.
No matter how much it broke my heart to make this decision I couldn’t bear the thought of our baby born even earlier than 30 weeks and having lifelong complications because of it.
I think of my baby everyday and a part of me knows I always will. I pray my baby comes back to me when the time is right.