This story is published at Instagram.
Everyone has a reproductive health/rights/justice story. Sometimes, we go through life and it isn't until much later that we connect the dots. Sharing our stories with one another - whichever parts YOU choose to comfortably share - allows for us to break down stigma and find healing.
Like so many, the weight of what has been happening and continues to happen is crushing. At the same time, I have never felt more proud to be a part of a much larger, collective movement for abortion access and reproductive justice. My condensed story goes:
-Many years of childhood sexual abuse and violence. Earliest memories date to 5 or 6 years old.
-visited a Planned Parenthood at 17yrs for birth control. Grateful i qualified for their funding.
-experienced various forms of male violence in relationships
-raped by someone I considered to be a close and trusted friend. The parting words from them: even though that was the worst night of your life, that was the best night of my life.
-I had my first abortion (unrelated to rape). I simply didn't want to be a parent.
-I chose to have children, unfortunately I picked the wrong partner
-grateful i was able to give birth twice at home with a trusted midwife
-I chose to breastfeed
-lived in domestic violence as a pregnant person. I no longer wanted to be alive. Staying alive for my children was all I could think of.
-volunteering as a helpline volunteer for the @abortionfundofarizona became my lifeline to escape my reality. I began learning about abortion access and justice
-family and friends did not believe me and/or take me seriously when I would share some of what I was going through in my abusive relationship. I didn't know how to talk about it. I felt ashamed.
-1 year after the birth of my second child i finally left the abusive and violent relationship I had been meshed in for over 5 years
-I entered the state family court system for child custody. Trial was traumatic. My experiences of violence were ignored, dismissed, practically justified by a sexist and misogynistic judge. My abusive ex-partner was fighting to strip my custody of my children and dehumanized and humiliated me publicly in court.
The court forced me to separate from my 3yr old and 1 year old for days each week. This negatively impacted our breastfeeding relationship and my milk supply tanked.
-I found my voice and power in my experiences of violence and trauma. I've been healing.
-I've had 2 more abortions and a missed miscarriage
-I have felt the single parent stigma
-There was a time I needed food stamps to support my family
-There was a time I needed state insurance because I was below the poverty level with 2 kids
-I had a 2nd custody trial May of this year
-I turned 34 this year
-And somehow, in between the years of domestic violence and living a life of healing and peace that I have been building the last 3.5 years, I was restructuring, developing, and leading the growth of @prochoiceaz and the @abortionfundofarizona.
Whenever I take a moment to reflect on where I was just 4 years ago vs now, it's surreal to think of all the change, growth, fear, healing, and overall journey I have traveled. I believe in the healing power of reproductive justice and abortion access work. I have never felt more aligned and on my purpose path. I work with and alongside some of the baddest folks I know who inspire me to keep going every single day.
I do not wish any experience of reproductive harm, violence, and trauma on anyone. Humankind has always carried a history of reproductive violence, control, and oppression. What is happening now in our country, and in Arizona, is not an isolated issue, and it's definitely not new.
If you need support learning how to share your story, I am here for you. Sharing breaks the stigma.❤️ I am no longer ashamed. I only feel free speaking my truth, and I am forever grateful to the people who have been holding it down with me on this journey.