"I’m trying to let go of a bit of the guilt I feel from this being my second procedure."

This story is published at Reddit.

Wanted to share my positive surgical experience at Planned Parenthood, apologies if I’m kinda all over the place. This is my first post ever. Apologies it’s a bit long as well, but if it helps one person feel less alone I’ll be happy.

Background - I found out I was pregnant about 2.5 weeks ago. I had a complete meltdown and was conflicted on what I wanted to do.

For a while I was 50/50 — primarily because I felt guilt because if I decided to terminate this would be my second termination, and I felt so much guilt/shame over that.

My last termination was a very long time ago, 10 years or so and I was super young and didn’t think twice about terminating.

After carefully thinking about all options this time I decided that terminating was the best thing for me and my mental health. Just because you’re ready on paper — with a good relationship, house, good job, etc — doesn’t mean you’re mentally ready.

Waiting for the procedure was the scariest 2 weeks of my life. Riddled with anxiety/depression and so much self hatred.

Arrival - waited in the lobby for a about 15-20 minutes. Got called back to sign some paperwork and pay for services. I did not use my insurance and the procedure was $565 USD. Then back to the waiting room to be called for the ultrasound. Returned to the waiting room and waited about 15-20 min to be called back for ultrasound.

I trust myself.jpeg

Ultrasound - they couldn’t see anything with a regular ultrasound, which worried me so she did a vaginal one and was able to see. She asked if I wanted to see any of the images or know if it was twins, I said no to all.

Counseling/History - right after the ultrasound I went into a different room to go over some counseling, I’m assuming this is state mandated but they go over all your options and all the legal stuff and consent. She pricked my finger to determine if my blood type was positive or negative. This all took about 25 minutes. After this I was taken right into the procedure room.

Procedure - I got undressed and put the pad in my underwear and put my clothes in a cubby. The nurse walked in, she was amazing and so nice and caring. Had me take and antibiotic and ibuprofen to start.

She walked me thru what was going to happen and answered any questions I had. She then inserted the IV into my hand and administered an anti-nausea drug (can’t recall the name).

She sat and talked with me a bit longer and then the doctor came in. The doctor walked in made some small talk and then they administered the sedation drugs. I got fentanyl and something else, apologies I can’t remember the other, and started to feel it right away, within seconds.

I was super relaxed but awake for the procedure. The ceilings looked like they were moving but I tried to keep my eyes closed. I felt what was going on and certain parts were a bit painful. Pain level for everything was probably a 3-4/10. And then it was done. It felt like the whole process was about 3 minutes.

Recovery - was walked over to the recovery area by my nurse. Sat down and was offered a drink, snack, and a heating pad. Sat there for about 30 minutes. No cramping so I did not use the heating pad. Another nurse walked me to the bathroom after about 15 minutes to check bleeding on my pad. Everything looked normal went back to chill for another 15 minutes. Everyone was so nice and supportive.

At home and I am feeling great, my anxiety is pretty much gone. I’m not having any cramping and the bleeding is normal. As of this moment I do not regret my decision at all.

The sedation drugs are wearing off and I’m already starting to feel relief from pregnancy symptoms. It’s crazy. I did not think it would be so quick.

I’m trying to let go of a bit of the guilt I feel from this being my second procedure in my lifetime, but I think I’ll forgive myself eventually, time will tell. This whole process has definitely confirmed for me that I want to stay child free, I hate that I had to learn that this way tho.

Planned Parenthood is an amazing organization and I’m so glad they were there for me. I’ve become a monthly donor and will continue.

I hope this helps ease someone’s worries. The whole day before my appointment time I thought I was going to pass out, throw up, and was having hot/cold sweats from nervousness and anxiety. I couldn’t keep myself calm at all.

You will be okay! You will get thru this and you will come out on the other side a stronger person! Always trust your gut and make a decision that is best for you. I also wanted to say thank you to this Reddit and all the wonderful and supportive people here. THANK YOU! Reading all your stories really helped me to not feel so alone.

"It was what I had to do. It really wasn't that traumatic." ~ "Era lo que tenia que hacer. Realmente no fue tan traumática."

"I’m so glad I trusted my brain, my body and my heart."