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When I was growing up, I can remember myself saying that I could never have an abortion. I learned to never say never after that, haha.
When I was 24, I had my first medication abortion. I was in the middle of a divorce from my abusive, soon-to-be ex-husband and I had already had a son at 18. I couldn't handle another kid.
I didn't even have my own car or own place at the time. I was living on my friends' couches when I didn't have my son with me. When I did have him, I was staying at my dad's.
So I got pregnant by this guy who knew I didn't want any more kids right now. I was making him wear condoms but he definitely stealthed me and I got pregnant. I knew almost immediately. My boobs were so sore and I missed my period. I also was feeling light headed.
I made the appointment as soon as I found out, so luckily I got in right around 5/6 weeks along. Technically I was only 3 weeks pregnant, but they go off your last period .
He wouldn't help me pay for the abortion. I actually had to take out a small loan that I couldn't afford at all. He was my ride up there, though. The closest clinic was 2 and a half hours away from me. He acted supportive but kept throwing back-handed comments about "we don't have to do this" and things like that.
On the ride home he wanted me to stay at his parents place because he himself didn't have his own place either. I didn't want to be anywhere around him with his back-handed, unsupportive comments . He wanted me to be his little knocked up girlfriend.
So I had him drive me to my best friend's house and she and her boyfriend were so understanding. She had an abortion a few years prior so she completely understood.
The 2nd time I had an abortion was when I was 30. Just last year actually.
Me and my newly married husband already had 4 kids all together. Our youngest was 3 and I just mentally and physically couldn't handle another kid.
I was still trying to lose the 40 pounds from my last pregnancy! I had just started working out hard and really eating right. I just started my own business. I felt defeated.
I was on birth control but my husband didn't pick up my birth control for like a week, so that was my fuck up. Like every time I started to do something for myself, I got pregnant.
I was angry I even had to get another one. They're so expensive . We could barely afford it. I didn’t want to endure another 9 months of hell. Pregnancy is so hard on me. I have morning sickness the entire time. I’m just so miserable when I'm pregnant.
Here I am now, 31. Close to a year since my last medication abortion and now I have to get another one and I’m scared.
But this time I was taking my birth control EVERY DAY and I still got pregnant. I’m so mad. I was being so careful.
Last time, I think I was allergic to the antibiotic they gave me and I had the worst gas pains I've ever had. My intestines felt like they were going to explode. I almost went to the ER.
And they didn't give me any pain meds. I wish they had. I just hope this time isn't as bad. I hope I make it through it and I hope I don't permanently hurt myself from it. So many thoughts. I just know I can't do another pregnancy.
I wish more people were Pro Choice. I think it's so important that abortion is accessible. It’s health care. Women should not have to be an incubator if they don't want to be.
I'm so glad that my husband is pro choice and understands that forcing someone to endure a pregnancy is wrong and sick.
We've got daughters and I can't imagine ever forcing them to go through a pregnancy they don't want. If they need an abortion some day, I will happily support them with all the love I have and let them know they're not alone and perhaps share my story with them, too.
Editor’s note: Many people become much more pro-choice, compassionate and nonjudgmental about abortions when they experience pregnancy. Click here to see what happened when a Rabbi’s tweet about the cruelty of forced pregnancy went viral.