This story is published in Spanish at Women on Web. This Google Translate version in English has been edited for clarity and length.
My first experience was terrible, it affected my feelings a lot and changed my life. Having just ended a strongly attached relationship, I had no one to vent to, no family or anyone close.
Because of my depression, a person 10 years older than me took advantage of my 22-year-old susceptibility. At the time when we had sex, we were drunk.
Anyone can call me "whore" or “hot.” However at that moment, he took off the condom without saying anything. Did I want him to disrespect me like that? No. But it’s considered my fault for getting pregnant and for being a ‘whore,' even though he removed the condom.
But many may wonder — why did’t you take the morning after pill? Because I had no money, because I had lost my job, and for that, nobody wanted to lend me the money.
I knew I was pregnant. You know your body. I knew it and I immediately began to demand an abortion from the irresponsible person who took off the condom without telling me.
In short, to pay for the abortion, I had to sleep with him as many times as he wanted until the abortion appointment came.
I was 13 weeks along. People have no idea how gross I felt that this guy took sexual advantage of me, just so that I could have a safe abortion.
The day came. I do not regret it but I felt relieved. It was eight painful minutes of suction, but the doctor congratulated me for making that decision and not affecting my life in that way. It cost $750.
That is my first experience.
After five years, I have a stable relationship, with a charming man, though at times suffocating. I was careful but I was getting sick with the birth control injection. I had many secondary symptoms. I stopped using it.
At that time, my partner and I had financial problems. I starting using a fertility app. I recommend that you do not trust any of them because it gave me the wrong ovulation calculation date and I got pregnant.
I recognized the symptoms and I told my partner, but he didn’t believe me and said I was being dramatic.
I have a friend who can get the cytotec abortion pills. She gave me five. I put them under my tongue. I was nervous because I've never had an abortion that way, but I did it anyway and there was no turning back.
The first 10 minutes I had chills and severe diarrhea. My partner was asleep. He thought that the food at dinner had made me sick. I got a fever and spent 30 minutes feeling terrible, almost about to tell him what I did. But I didn't tell him because this could affect me legally.
After 30 minutes I felt normal, zero symptoms. Then at 5 hours the pain began gradually ascending until I went to the bathroom and saw the blood.
I saw two balls. I suppose they were twins. So according to people who’ve never been in these situations, I am triple the killer I suppose.
From there the bleeding was strong and the pain was strong but not a big deal. I was exactly 6 weeks pregnant, 12 days late. After that, I felt peace.
Today I have a new job. With my partner things have improved. He wants children in the future, but I don’t.
Unfortunately, in my country they do not allow someone who has not had children to be sterilized. And in my country it is illegal to have abortions because “moral and religious reasons” dominate.
You can think of me as the most abominable person in the world, but the guy who raped me is out there raping others.
I support women to have abortions. I do not regret my abortions, so let others think of me as a slut and a murderer because of this country and it’s cruel laws.
I aborted because of love — it’s love for myself, and my neighbor. I will not bring children to suffer in this dire world.
~Ananda