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The first time I had an abortion was in my early twenties. I was working over 40 hours a week to save to go back to school. When I found out I was pregnant I just saw all that disappearing.
I knew I would most likely go to a university like I planned and would struggle to provide for a child. I also lived in a studio apartment in the middle of the city so it was not a great environment for a child.
Luckily I lived in a very prochoice area so I was able to schedule an appointment for an abortion easily.
The father was a serious boyfriend that I lived with who luckily supported me through the whole process. He went with me to the appointment and was allowed to hold my handle during the procedure.
I chose the surgical abortion because it only needed one doctor visit, and my sister had had a painful experience with the pill abortion.
When I became pregnant for the second time I couldn't believe it. Both times I had gotten pregnant I had been using birth control measures. I felt very angry and scared.
This time I was living in another country and the abortion laws are different. In the entire country there are only two states where you can get an abortion, and I did not live in either state.
Me and my boyfriend considered keeping it, but I had lost my job due to the pandemic and my boyfriend's salary was not enough to support a family. As much as we wanted to try to raise a baby, we knew we couldn't afford it.
Our only option to get an abortion was to fly to another state and do the procedure there.
I felt sad for the women in this country who aren't able to go to another state like I was and are forced to have a baby due to circumstance.
It was a lot more difficult going through this abortion for me.
The laws are different in this country so you are required to view the ultrasound. I hadn't had to during my first abortion and seeing what was inside me made it harder to be objective. I broke down and cried during the appointment. After I got myself together I went through with the appointment.
I was farther along than they had thought (13 weeks) so I had to have extra sedation to be relaxed enough for the procedure. The drugs made me fall asleep and I don't remember much.
My boyfriend was able to stay in the operating room with me so he held my hand and woke me up when it was over. Since I had been knocked out it took me a bit to comprehend that the abortion had happened.
I was relieved not to be pregnant but also felt regret. I know a part of me wanted this pregnancy even though I knew abortion was the right choice.
I am responsible and a good person even though I have had multiple abortions. I know that these experiences will make me stronger and more prepared for when I have a child at the time I choose.
If you're reading this and feeling alone just know you are not. You are making the right choice for you.
Click here to listen to this podcast and hear an OB/GYN explain the misunderstandings and cruel stereotypes of later abortions. Learn why gestational bans and exceptions to abortion care are cruel and unusual punishment.