This story was submitted to us.
My first pregnancy was age 18. I was in college and knew there was no way I could handle having a baby. I would have had to drop out of school so how could I support a child? I had a surgical abortion as the medical pill wasn’t an option. It was difficult to deal with but I knew it had to be done.
When I was in my upper twenties I got married and sadly had a miscarriage. The baby died around 8 weeks and I had to have a D&C as it didn’t come out. Very upsetting!
Then I luckily had two wonderful children. As they got older, my marriage fell apart. My now ex husband was abusive. I was miserable and a mess. While we were separated, I got pregnant with someone I was dating. I knew I could not go forward with the pregnancy as I wasn’t even divorced yet and my then boyfriend wasn’t either. So I had a medical abortion. It was sad but I knew life would be a mess if I didn’t. My kids would suffer in so many ways.
Then about 6 years later I was in my middle forties, fully divorced and dating someone who convinced me we could never get pregnant as we were too old. He was wrong and I was dumb! He was also abusive (I was a mess and repeated that too sadly) so no way I could keep him in my life and my kids’ lives. I had another medical abortion. Very sad but felt I had no choice.
The last one was over 10 years ago. I’m now almost 60. I’ve had a lot of guilt lately about this all and making the same mistake again and again. I know I did the right thing as the first one made having my beautiful children possible and the last two prevented our lives from being so much more difficult then they already were. Even when I tried to have my first child, the baby died (my miscarriage) so it obviously wasn’t meant to be, just like my other pregnancies that I had to terminate.
I feel so much better sharing my story. I don’t talk about this as it feels so upsetting and embarrassing but I should not be so hard on myself.
This site really is wonderful. I now know I’m not alone. I hope sharing this difficult part of my life with others can help those dealing with guilt and shame. You are not alone! We shouldn’t be guilted by society. In every case, we made the choices we had to make. We have 100% right to do what’s best for us.
Reading everybody’s different stories, and understanding that we all have made mistakes is so helpful. I know it’s OK to make the same mistake more than once. We are all human.
We can’t go back in time and do things differently. Who knows what the outcome would be if we did? Worse things may have happened. We may not be alive today to be in this website. Wish I didn’t have to go through this all but I did. We all did. It was the right thing since that’s what we chose. What’s meant to be will be.
Hugs to everyone who reads this. You are beautiful and strong and deserve to be happy!
Editor’s note: The person who submitted this story did not share an email address, so we are posting our gratitude here. This story is so beautiful, authentic and generous. It already has made a positive difference in the world, and we are so grateful for your kind heart. Hugs to you, too. You are beautiful and strong and you, too, deserve to be happy. You are loved and appreciated.