This story is published at Today Parents.
I was in a relationship with my first husband for 12 years, married for seven, and we were babies when we met — just 18. ... It was a roller coaster for a few years, until one day he just woke up and left me.
After he left, I found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy didn't change his decision to leave, and I didn't want to be a single mom at 30. Thankfully, a number of close friends and and even just some acquaintances quietly came forward and told me about their experiences having abortions. And none of them — not a single person — regretted it. Every single one said they were glad they did it and their lives would be different if they didn't.
So I had my first abortion, and I remember crying immediately afterwards. The doctor and nurses in the room asked if I was OK, and I said, 'These are tears of relief. You have no idea, this is a massive relief.'
That abortion gave me the time to meet the person I am spending the rest of my life with, and eventually have our daughter. When our daughter was 5, we wanted to give her a sibling. I was 37 at the time and experienced a number of losses before getting pregnant again. We told everyone — we were so excited — and then at 13 weeks the doctors found chromosomal abnormalities.
So I had another abortion. And luckily, again, I was able to make that choice for myself, even though it was far more complicated. That abortion also allowed me to have our son, who is 20 months old.
I often look at my children and feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude that I got to choose them both. And thank God I did. I really do feel grateful for that.
I have been able to live my life in choice. And even when my kids make me feel crazy, I love them and I chose to have this life with them. I cannot imagine being forced to be a mother.
~ Holly Alexander, 42, mom to a son and a daughter