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My name is Isabel. And I am about to have my third abortion, tomorrow morning at 9 AM. Unless, my period starts overnight, by the grace of God.
Although I feel, that what is blocking it, is the idea, that I have a hard time letting go and that I feel sad, that I must let go, again.
I am not proud of having aborted more than once. Especially now, that I am older and I thought this would be better, it happened again.
And I feel more lost than ever before. My wish is to be useful, to the world. And right now I feel broken.
On the 8th of May, I was involuntarily intoxicated with psychedelic mushrooms, by my so-called partner. What I didn't know at the time, is that in my womb, a being was wanting to come.
My gut tells me, that because I was intoxicated, it stopped developing.
Truthfully, no one knows, why pregnancies, just stop. But 30% of all pregnancies apparently, do.
So, when I found out and I went to look for reasons, the word intoxication really stood out to me.
And, although I did not want to be related to this psychopath, who not only put my life at risk but that of a being at the complete mercy of me, it feels right now, like an opportunity destroyed.
And maybe it is the hormones speaking, but I am utterly confused. And I will not rest until justice is done. For me, and for so many other women who are manipulated and abused by men in this world.
I am sorry if this is confusing, but I know what I write will inspire another woman, because only another woman going through something similar can.
No offense ladies My dear friend, when I found out about my anembryonic pregnancy, was happy that "I didn't have to abort". But I didn't know what to feel.
And today, I know that something tells me it could maybe have developed and it wasn't given the chance, I don't know. It’s so confusing.
Then another side of me believes, God took it away, so that it served its mission to teach me to look after me and to start again and achieve the type of love I really deserve in this world.
I also feel so much love through this love. It is overwhelming.
What I said today to my dear friend is: "I feel so privileged to have experienced this, and I am in awe at what miracle life is, and how we bring it physically into this world. We are goddesses, we are powerful. May we never forget that."