This story is published at Women On Web.
I had two abortions. The first abortion I was very sure it was the right thing to do and felt very relieved afterwards.
I was in a very dysfunctional relationship. My boyfriend was a heroin addict, although he hid it from me. I had finished with him when I found out I was pregnant.
I was in second year at university and having a child at 19 was not in my plans. However, psychologically it affected me a lot. I felt dirty and cheap.
I did not want to have a relationship with that man afterwards. I was angry but could not talk to anyone about how I felt and bottled it up. I became depressed and isolated.
A few years later I fell pregnant from a one night stand, one of the few times I had sex afterwards. I was very drunk. I was basically raped as I was out of control drunk. I couldn’t face bringing a baby into the world like that.
I took the morning after pill the next day but it didn’t work. I couldn’t believe I was in the same place again.
I decided to have an abortion again as my family said they would not support me. It was terrible and broke my heart.
However, I learnt so much from my heartache. I decided to shake myself out of my depression and do something. I took responsibility for my actions. I was lucky to live in a country that offers legal free abortions.
Slowly I built my life again. I bought a flat. I met a wonderful man who loved me for who I was. We married and I had a baby at the right time. She was and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had another beautiful daughter. We are a very happy family.
I sometimes think about the babies I did not have have but I know I was too young and irresponsible and I would not have been a good mother. I have made peace with them and myself.
Women need to be able to have the choice. No man should tell them otherwise.
I want young women to know that even if you feel terrible now you can still find a lot of happiness in your future. Have faith in yourself and keep trying to find the right path for you.