"I wish there was a way out of this situation."

This is an abridged, anonymous post on Reddit, followed by a reply.

Has anyone else had multiple abortions? I hope I'm not alone, and I have too much shame to tell anyone.

I am getting ready to get my fourth abortion. I know. It sounds really, really bad. Horrible, even. In some ways I don't feel shame because I know they were the right choice, but I just wish that I had made different decisions by protecting myself at first.

I had my daughter young, at 19. She was the first pregnancy I had, and the result of utter carelessness.

I decided to wise up and go on birth control. I had a birth control failure and I knew I could not afford another child on minimum wage. I decided to end the pregnancy.

The second abortion was the same issue, except the birth control failure was caused by antibiotics my doctor claimed would not interfere with my birth control pills. Fat chance, there was another pregnancy. Again, I terminated.

Go to the third abortion. I never thought I'd be in that predicament again, but the condom broke, instead of traditional pills. I was struggling financially and hadn't been able to afford an OB GYN visit or the gas money to get to Planned Parenthood to get a cheap birth control consultation. So we were using condoms, and it broke.

I had another abortion, even though I didn't want to, because my partner thought it was truly the best choice. I knew we were financially struggling and so I hesitantly agreed.

Now here I am, pregnant again. I am not on the pill right now because I was trying to keep myself off of hormonal BC for a little bit because I think I have hormonal imbalances. I needed to be off BC to get them checked out without the hormones interfering.

The hormone imbalances have made my life a living hell. Depression — completely unrelated to my past abortions because I've made my peace with the fact that I made the best decision for my daughter — and acne and dark hairs on places females aren't supposed to have them, chin etc.

We had been using condoms for the most part, but a couple bottles of wine and some bad decisions later with my long term partner — I'm still with my daughter's father — and we had unprotected sex. Only once, and yet, that once was enough.

Apparently, I'm fucking Fertile Myrtle. I can't fuck up one time without it literally coming to haunt me.

We bought our first house with some inheritance after my dad passed. I'm getting ready to go back to school, and even though we are only on one income, I thought with no mortgage we could somehow find a way to make it work. I had promised myself I would never, ever, ever have an abortion again — not after I owned a home, and not after I had a room for another baby.

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I took the pregnancy test this morning, and I told my partner. I had visions of turning the room attached to ours into a nursery, into somehow struggling on our low income. I never, ever thought I'd be in the boat to get an abortion, because I told myself I couldn't.

He looked at me and his exact response, word for word, was "I don't care." He literally told me that keeping the child would make him resent me for going against those wishes of his for having another when we aren't financially ready, and that it may even lead to the end of our relationship.

Whether he's being an asshole to the point where this may be the end of our relationship anyway is yet to be seen, but I feel lost. I feel alone. I am more angry, and more sad, than I have ever been in my entire life.

I never thought I'd be calling up Planned Parenthood again. I don't even know if I want to go to the same clinic. Who the fuck wants to admit they had four abortions? Who?! I'm ashamed of myself. I'm depressed.

I am still finishing college and have no idea how I'd manage to juggle everything necessary for a newborn and my daughter.

I wish there was a way out of this situation — that I could magically induce a natural miscarriage so there was no abortion but no baby either.

A reply:

Part of my job is to do a medical intake with women and book them abortion appointments, so I talk about all the past pregnancies and the outcomes with every woman we see for an abortion. Honestly multiple abortions — even 5 or 6 or more — is more common than you think and you shouldn't feel ashamed. If you're going to a respectful clinic the staff should approach the situation with a here and now attitude. Good luck! You should try to get some effective birth control that you're happy with. Msg me if you want any advice on that or have questions. I literally talk about this stuff all day every day and I'm happy to help.

"Women are smart, moral creatures who have both the capacity and the responsibility to make such decisions."

"I feel differently this time around."