This story was submitted to us by a person in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

I had two abortions. My first was when I was 19-I chose the pill for this one. I was acting recklessly, and chose a partner that did not respect me. An ex-con, 12 years older than me, with 4 other children. I stopped taking birth control for personal reasons, so I was not protected. I will never forget the day I got pregnant. During intercourse, he ejaculated inside me even after I made it clear he needed to pull out. I was in disbelief. I cried a little, but hoped for the best. Pregnancy did not even seem like a real option anyway. 5 weeks later, my world changed. I took two tests because I could not believe the first one. Then, I went to a clinic to confirm and plan my course of action. I knew I could not keep it. I did have some pressure from friends and my sister not to abort, but I was 19 and the father was not who I wanted in my life forever. At about 7-8 weeks, I had my first abortion. I went to the clinic on my own, and aborted in my mom's home. It hurt like hell the first day and I bled a lot. I had pain meds and my mom gave me a sedative for which I am grateful because it was truly the worst pain of my life. (This was my experience, however, and it is not that way for everyone.) That being said, I was glad I did it. I could live life, unfettered-finish school, experience new love, and have many more amazing experiences that otherwise would not have happened had I chosen to keep that pregnancy.

The second one happened exactly a month ago-I am 27. When I found out I was pregnant, I could not believe. I took exactly 7 tests. How did this happen? Why now? After struggling with infertility for 4 years with a different partner, I really wanted this pregnancy but had a lot of pressure from the father. I felt so much guilt for years thinking I was being punished for my first abortion. In the end, I am glad I chose to abort because of the stress of his threats and obstinance. He threatened to blackmail me, disappear, sign away his rights, and even threatened suicide. He also told me I was too unstable to be a parent and I would ruin HIS life. There was no compassion for the fact that this was happening to MY body. I could not handle this behavior and I knew deep down that I had to abort. I chose surgical this time since pain medicine is no longer given with the pill and I wanted to be comfortable. According to "insurance companies" around me, pain medicine is not deemed medically necessary for an abortion. When a clinic employee told me this, I did not know what to do. I was terrified of reliving the worst pain of my life and equally scared of being put to sleep for a surgical procedure. At first I scheduled an appointment for the pill, but cancelled it after I did more research and decided I did not want to risk the horrific pain of the pill. This is when I opted for surgical.

I scheduled my second abortion on a Thursday, so I could have 5 days to recover-luckily the following week there was a holiday on Monday. I chose the earliest time, so my wait was not long. My lovely stepmom went with me. When I was called back for the ultrasound, I was 6.5 weeks, Then, it was time for the procedure. I went into a waiting room to get undressed and in a gown where I waited with 4 other women. I was called back and greeted by nurses who set up my IV. Then the doctor came in. I was crying at this point, mostly scared of being put to sleep. I had convinced myself I'd die in my sleep. The staff calmed me down, and the doctor was so kind and tried to distract me by talking about TV shows with me. Then the anesthesiologist came in. He was concerned about my crying. He asked "Are you sure you want to do this?" I said yes, he explained how the drug would work, injected me, and the next thing I know I'm awake in the recovery room with 6 other women. I was cramping, and then came the realization I was not pregnant anymore. I immediately cried upon waking-pain, emotions, guilt. I will never forget the woman in the bed next to me-she noticed my crying and as she's laying there, having gone through the same thing I did, says to me "You will be okay, I promise. Everything will be fine." Simple words so selflessly said quelled some of my emotions. I am glad I scheduled the abortion the way I did, because the pain was at its worse on day 3. It gradually got better, my terrible pregnancy symptoms went away, and I have officially let go of that relationship with the selfish person that got me pregnant. I first felt shame for my second abortion, but now I feel okay. The good news is I am not considered infertile anymore and I hope to have kids with the right person. Sometimes my emotions can be tough to deal with, but everyday I am growing stronger and I KNOW I made the right choice.