This story is published at Reddit.
Hey y'all, I wanted to share my experience with a medical abortion because this page was supportive while I was going through it, and want to make a contribution.
In January, I found out I was pregnant with twins. It was your classic scene; a missed period, morning sickness, and crying on the bathroom floor surrounded by four pregnancy tests, all positive.
Since it was the weekend, I had to wait two days before even talking to a health professional, which was dreadful.
On Monday, I scheduled an appointment for a medical abortion with Planned Parenthood. My insurance didn't cover it.
In Montana, it was roughly $600. I could not afford this out of pocket, so I worked with a local abortion relief fund that helped. That was just the first obstacle, but really eased my worries in making the abortion more accessible.
I took the first pill in the office, and the second pill the next day at home. I don't usually have heavy periods or cramps, but this was pretty painful.
The bleeding was very heavy and lasted about 10 hours all together. I definitely felt the clumps of uterus lining and the fetus come out of my vagina. That was the worst part, physically and mentally.
The 800mg ibuprofen they gave me did nothing. During the worst of it, I laid in a hot shower and cried, which I highly recommend!
Eventually, the bleeding got lighter but continued for about five days. The pain was gone by morning.
The mental recovery was an uphill battle, and one that I am still working through every damn day. The healing is continuous, and this is something you don't just "get over".
I have been working on being easy with my body, and trying my best each day, even if that just means getting out of bed to pee.
For me, I was pretty much alone during the worsts parts. I am not in a committed relationship, and this was the result of a one night stand.
He was there for the easy parts (the appointment, the days before), but once things got hard, he walked away.
I must admit, I was not the easiest person to be around, but I don't think that's an excuse. There were two people there the night in question, so I felt shafted that I had to deal with it alone.
This just showed me that this was MY problem and something I had to handle, and sometimes it felt like his absence was a punishment. His ability to walk away was heartbreaking and still makes me very sad sometimes.
The hardest part of being alone was the grief that came months later. I never expected to regret my decision, but one day found myself suffocated.
I was suppressing the regret, and this made it come on so strong. And then having to justify my decision, without the presence of him, was a challenge.
It was a lot of internal dialogue of reassurance that I did the right thing, and there was really no choice. But I wished so badly that I could have talked about this with someone.
And the only person to have that conversation was the "partner" in this, the boy whose child it was. But, in the end, you can't be stuck in the past, because we don't live there.
I don't want to scare anyone, but I wanted to share my story. I was silenced by shame for so long, but have started talking about it.
Abortion is part of life, and sometimes life is shit. But, we are in this together.
I am working every day to heal, and want to heal, but don't know many people who have gone through this.
All I know is that this is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, so I might as well dive in instead of pushing it off.
I am ready to open this conversation online and with friends. Maybe family, soon, too! Peace and love.