This story is published at Reddit.
It's been 7 months since I first found out I was pregnant, 6 since I started the MA process, and just 1 since I have been cleared to start trying again. What I went through is extremely rare and I've struggled with how to share my story outside of close family and friends. I thought this would be a safe space to start.
It’s hard to know where to start, but I suppose the best place is when I decided I was ready to start a family. My husband always wanted to be a dad and I was more hesitant, but I finally got to the point in my life where I felt confident (or as confident as any first time parent could be) that we could do this: take care of another human being.
We were (and are) happily married, financially stable, and work well as a team. I had my IUD removed in October 2021 and we began really trying (tracking cycles and ovulation, the whole nine yards) by April 2022.
Were we nervous? Sure, but who isn’t? We were as ready as we ever could be.
Knowing that my mother and my older sister both had trouble conceiving, I was prepared for the worst: for it to take a long time to get pregnant or that it would require medical assistance.
Luckily, I was wrong and I was so excited to tell my husband that we were pregnant in early July and that we were due at the end of March!
We were ecstatic and it was SO hard not to tell family and friends, especially when they were all super suspicious when I wasn’t drinking or bailed on social events.
I was also SUPER nauseous and it continued to get worse all the way up to my first ultrasound at 8 weeks (they don’t have you come in before that because you really can’t see anything).
My husband and I arrived at my doctor full of nerves but very eager to get a visual of something that seemed so surreal over the past few weeks.
The ultrasound tech starts her process and I hear some of the scariest words I’ve ever heard in my life: “looks like there’s two!”
Now, me already being anxious about parenthood, coupled with the fact that my sister has twins (no, it doesn’t run in the family... will explain later) and I know I didn’t want that lifestyle, I immediately started crying as the reality washed over me.
We had already started visiting daycares in the weeks leading up to this appointment and the dollar signs screamed warnings inside my head. With two kids, it would likely cost more for daycare than I earned in a month, and we would likely need to dissolve our side business.
As this raced through our minds, we were sent back to the waiting area to wait for my doctor to call us back to talk about it. Even at that time, my thought was, “I’m not going to terminate this pregnancy when we very well wanted to start a family. We will just have to make it work and readjust our expectations.”
Cut to meeting with the doctor.
Here we find out that we actually have what is a pretty rare kind of twins (3/1000 chance).
Most twins you see walking around the world are fraternal: two eggs, two sperm. Two completely different kids just sharing the same womb.
The twins we conceived are called mono-di: one egg, one sperm, split in two. My sister had fraternal twins as a result of IUI. Mono-di is the result of cells replicating and splitting too fast. They are identical twins that share a placenta and therefore a blood supply.
This is not genetic (whereas fraternal can be). What we learned from the gyno is that mono-di twins are high-risk. In addition to complications such as preterm labor and preterm delivery that all twins face, there is also a risk of them not sharing blood equally (TTTS, 10-15% chance), which could mean additional surgeries and/or serious illness or death of one or both twins. Talk about a lot to process.
Now this stuff about twins, I feel like very few people know. Unless you have twins, you would have no reason to! We were all of a sudden members of a very small group of people who understood what we were going through.
During the appointment with the gyno, she floated the idea of “termination” and even then, I said, no, I didn’t think so.
When we got home, we started our research. We realized that even if everything went as smoothly as possible (no TTTS), I would likely be put on bed rest around 20-25 weeks to lessen the likelihood of preterm birth and we would very likely have preemies.
Even if we didn’t have any major complications, we were still looking at a difficult pregnancy, high medical bills, and two kids when we only wanted one. Let alone the risks to me as a woman having to undergo potential surgeries for TTTS and the emotional risks of any or all of the following: loss, grief, regret, resentment.
When we thought of parenting together, we had visions of working as a team to raise a really cool kid. With twins in the picture, we saw ourselves having to give up much of what we loved about life and tag-teaming more than co-parenting.
This, this situation we were in, is not what we wanted for ourselves and our future family.
It was a difficult choice, but we ultimately decided to terminate before the 10 week mark. We were fortunate that we were able to get pregnant pretty quickly, were early in our conception journey, and that the likelihood of mono-di happening again was extremely low (.09%).
Thankfully, our families were supportive of our decision, which was a major reassurance to us.
With Roe v. Wade being overturned just weeks before, this was a scary time to be seeking to terminate a pregnancy. Luckily, I live in NC, so I still had access to early options. Since we were before 10 weeks, we had two choices: medical or surgical. There are obviously pros and cons to each, but especially when insurance coverage is concerned, the medical made the most sense for us.
We had to wait 72 hours to receive the medication after making a decision (an NC law, that in all fairness makes sense… they want you to be sure), we got the meds.
You take the meds at home and recovery is fairly quick. Normally, you take the first pill to stop the flow of progesterone followed by a second pill to cause the miscarriage. But, lucky me, with twins, I needed to double up on that second dose (99% success rate with two doses).
They warned there would be really bad cramping and heavy bleeding, but losing that much blood that quickly was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.
About two weeks later, I went had a follow-up ultrasound to make sure everything had “cleared”. Lucky me again, I was in the 1% and there was still some remaining tissue left behind.
They prescribed me another DOUBLE dose that I had the “pleasure” of taking while on vacation in Cancun (please sense the sarcasm). Now, with tissue remaining, not only is it not good since you’re like half pregnant (no baby, but also still having pregnancy hormones), but there’s also a risk of infection.
So guess what… you can’t swim or take a bath or submerge your lower half in water whatsoever. What a great time to be in Cancun.
Luckily, my cramps and bleeding weren’t so bad this time around and I was even able to enjoy the unlimited beverages (which I would not have been able to do if I was still pregnant). I got by with the most positive attitude I could and made fun of my truly awful luck beating the odds of all these statistics.
Two weeks later: follow-up again. And guess what? Still not “clear”. So now, we have to go the surgical route. I was very scared and have never had any major surgery in my life.
Since we essentially had a “missed miscarriage”, insurance at least would cover a little bit more of the procedure. Even so, the remainder was $1400 out of pocket. Not exactly a fun purchase. We were also in the process of closing on a house, so we had to ask family for help. Not ideal.
My surgery was scheduled very quickly and we were eager to get this taken care of since this had been over a month now since we made our initial decision. My husband and I arrived at the hospital around 1pm the next day for a 3pm surgery.
However, due to a few births (totally understandable), the doctor wasn’t available until about 6pm when they finally took me back and put me under. The procedure I had was a Dilation and Curettage (D&C). It was a quick procedure (under 15 minutes), guided visually by ultrasound, and you get to go home the same day.
Generally, other than some bleeding and cramping, you’re back to your normal self in a day or two. So we’re done right? We can get back to “normal” for a bit and then try again?
Nope, wrong. Two more weeks later: follow-up ultrasound. There is STILL something in there! WTF!? My doctor called it a “placental site nodule”.
Turns out, this is something so rare that there isn’t much on all of Google about it except a medical journal article titled “Placental Site Nodule (PSN): An Uncommon Diagnosis.”
My doctor had seen this only once or twice in all her years of practice. My gyno recommended another surgery: this one with a hysteroscopy (guided by camera). Just ready for this all to be over, I scheduled the second surgery (at this point one month after the first one and two months since taking my first round of medication… and also another $1400).
On November 4th, I returned to my gyno and finally got the “all clear”.
The sense of relief I felt is indescribable.
I could finally take a bath again (which I promptly did that evening) and my husband and I could finally start mentally healing from all this before we try again.
The timeframe from July through November were some of the longest months of my/our life. I am beyond grateful for non-judgmental family and friends and even more so that I married such a caring and devoted man who stuck with me through every decision, every doctor’s appointment, and way more TMI than he ever realized he was going to get.
Going through all of this has opened our eyes to all of the complications and intricacies that go along with abortion. I have a newfound appreciation for a woman’s right to choose because there are so many factors that might lead to making the decision that I found myself making. I never thought I’d have to make that decision. NEVER. But here I am.
And I don’t have any regrets. Over the past few months, having shared our story with family and close friends, we’ve learned of other couples who faced similar circumstances that chose to proceed with a mono-di pregnancy. One couple lost both in the womb. Another lost one twin after birth. And another had a successful pregnancy and now has two 4-year-old boys.
It was a gamble for sure, but if my odds were any indication, we didn’t feel set up for success. The couple that was successful with their twin boys live a lifestyle that is not something my husband and I would want for ourselves. And the other families, well, I can only imagine the amount of grief that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
It's taken a bit of time to process everything and be willing to put myself out there and share this story. I am very fortunate to be legally able to make the choices I did. Had I been further along, facing complications, or living in another state, I may not have had the right to choose. My husband and I are hopeful for the future and having better luck the next time around.