This story is published at Project Voice.
As ashamed as I am to say it, I have had three abortions and am contemplating one at this very moment. Why? I'm a 26 year old little girl with issues.
My first abortion was at the age of 20. I was dating a man (that didn't give me enough attention), a drug dealer and was raped by the drug dealer’s friend. A few weeks later when I went to report the rape, they told me I was pregnant. I was disgusted with myself. I had no idea whose child it was-except mine. I had a surgical abortion.
Within a couple months, I left the boyfriend and began going downhill with drugs and the drug dealer. And got pregnant again.
Out of control, and doing my best to gain some-I went for a two day surgical abortion. This time, I passed out unconscious from the pain.
At this chapter of my life, I was on my way to my second drug rehabilitation and living rock bottom. I met someone new and began hitting the party life hard.
I went to the Emergency Room one day feeling real sick. They said I was pregnant. I ran out of there. Went to Planned Parenthood and took the 'eraser' pills the next week. I can still remember the pang in the middle of the night when I know that the growing soul left my body.
Today, I am 26, have acquired almost three years clean and sober and have a two year old boy. I conceived in another terrifying relationship with domestic abuse and drugs-but I chose to get clean and leave his father.
We are happy and healthy. I met a man that had brains, didn't use drugs or alcohol, had a job, a house and a car and loved me. But he isn't honest. And the center of his life isn't God; it is me or him.
That's not healthy. I know that. So, I guess it's up to me again. To decide what My Creator would have me do. Time to pray.