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I’m in my early 30’s. 1 month short of a year ago I was experiencing daily nausea, my breasts hurt, and I woke up from a dream one night telling me that I was pregnant.

I immediately woke up and took a test. . . Positive.

A whirlwind of emotions hit me all at once. I was with a man whom I loved and cared for deeply, but due to my troublesome childhood I had decided years ago that I would never want to be a mother.

He drove me to my appointment and was with me every step of the way.

Even though I was only 4 weeks along, I opted to go for the surgical abortion. I had read countless stories of medical abortions and I didn’t want to go through the pain for multiple hours.

Lucky for me, the procedure worked, even though I was so early in my pregnancy. I was relieved and thankful that I had the privilege of having the option to terminate.

Fast forward to now. I haven’t been nauseous but my breasts have been extremely tender. I woke up this morning, 1 day before my expected period, knowing I needed to take a test. Sure enough, pregnant again.

So much shame washed over me. I can’t believe I’ve let this happen again.

The appointment has been made, I will be terminating this pregnancy as well.

This doesn’t make me a bad person. I just don’t feel I’m equipped to be a good mother.