"I was concerned about my work, because I could be fired for having premarital sex and was guaranteed to be fired if I was pregnant."

This story is published at Women on Web.

I self aborted two pregnancies with the use of herbs, vitamins and physical cervical dilation.

Click the picture to see more art by Megan Smith.

Click the picture to see more art by Megan Smith.

My feelings were grieving, trapped, relieved, confused, sad. It's complicated. Now I feel sorrow for the loss of them, but at the time it was relief. It would have caused me to completely change my life and career.

I did the abortion with herbs, massages. It lasts a really long time, like a miscarriage can. There is fear about having to go in to a doctor because of infection or blood loss.

I was having financial issues and concerned about my education. I was too young. I was concerned about my work, because I could be fired for having premarital sex and was guaranteed to be fired if I was pregnant.

The illegality of my abortions did not affect my feelings, just my willingness to talk about it with those I feel safe not to be judged by. It was the right choice for my life.

Other people assumed it was miscarriage caused by the pill, for those who knew I had been pregnant.

~Xai

"I marked both the children’s predicted birthdays and abortion dates on my calendar to remember their spirits."

"I would love to be a mom but to the right man and in a situation where I know my child will live a happy life."